Red Pill

Pretty much sums up the MRM.



Man’s Gift

This is pretty hilarious.

Original Post:

A boulder topped with a pink ribbon and covered in a spray-painted message: “Happy birthday, Isa.” sits in the driveway of Isabelle Prevost, Monday, August 15, 2011, in Acton Vale, Que. The 20-ton stone was left there as a gift by Dany Lariviere, her ex-husband and mayor of a nearby municipality, following lengthy divorce proceedings.

MONTREAL – A small-town mayor could face criminal charges after he delivered an unwelcome birthday present to his ex-wife: a 20-ton boulder, topped with a pink ribbon, dumped on her front lawn.

Dany Lariviere, mayor of St-Theodore-d’Acton, delivered the not-so-happy birthday gift over the weekend to Isabelle Prevost — with whom he divorced last year after a decade of marriage.

The giant stone was spray-painted with the message, “Happy birthday, Isa.”

Lariviere owns an excavation company. He said he used one of his own front-end loaders to transport the rock through the town streets in the wee hours Saturday.

He jokingly compared it to a giant diamond ring. He said his ex-wife always wanted one, and he described his “present” in one newspaper interview as 18-to-24 “carat-tons.”

“I brought what we call a big rock to my ex-wife,” Lariviere later added in an interview with The Canadian Press.

“I took a rock from one of my quarries and I brought it to her place with a little message and a nice ribbon, just like a real gift.”

The gesture has drawn national attention to one couple’s increasingly bitter domestic rift.

The mayor notes that his ex-wife has filed complaints with authorities over his financial dealings. She also told a local newspaper that she was worried about the safety of the couple’s two children.

In turn, he successfully fought to retain shared custody. And, accusing his ex-wife of harassing him, Lariviere has also complained to police about her.

Prevost’s mother said Monday that her former son-in-law’s actions were “disgusting.” The woman, who declined to give her name, said her daughter was too upset to grant an interview.

Lariviere, however, was unapologetic.

A Quebec provincial police spokeswoman said investigators were considering charging the mayor with mischief or harassment. They were also examining whether Lariviere broke the highway safety code while transporting the rock.

Police said they asked him to remove the rock; he was apparently reluctant to comply.

“He didn’t want to move it after the woman filed a complaint with Quebec provincial police,” said police spokesperson Sgt. Valerie Bolduc.

Lariviere said Monday he was indeed willing to clear the lawn — but he accused his ex-wife of harassing him and said that, before taking any action, he wanted a guarantee she would stop.

As he made his way to meet with investigators on Monday afternoon, Lariviere described to The Canadian Press how he managed to transport the giant boulder.

During the delivery, he was stopped twice by police who asked him for identification and questioned what he was doing.

“I told them the truth — that I was delivering a gift,” Lariviere said. “They weren’t able to stop me because what I was doing wasn’t illegal.”

In a town of only a few hundred residents, Lariviere’s present did not remain a secret for long.

But where big-city politicians might recoil from having their personal matters become the talk of the town, Lariviere said he had nothing to hide from his constituents.

“It’s a small area; everyone knows each other,” he said. “For those who know me, I won’t have any trouble explaining myself. I’m not worried it will affect my duties as mayor.”

At the same time, Lariviere insists there is nothing special about his rift with his ex-wife that merits the extra attention. He says he isn’t representing a cause or looking to speak on behalf of any group.

“It’s just an issue between me and my ex-wife,” Lariviere said.

“I don’t recommend people take actions like this.”–note.htm

Red Pill Message

An article that pretty much sums up the Red Pill scene and MRM.

Original Post:

A Red Pill Message to a Blue Pill World

I don’t expect you to understand all of what I do, and what I stand for, all in one sitting. There’s too much to think about, and too many departures from what you’ve been taught all your life, for things to be that easy. As with nearly everything in life, there’s much more to things than it seems on the surface. At this point, all I ask of you is that you keep an open mind, and try to understand things from my perspective.

I am what is called an MRA (Men’s Rights Activist). You may have heard a few things about us already, and again, I ask that you hear me out before passing judgment. A lot of people think of us as basically the mirror image of Feminism, only for men. Some people like to say that we are simply a group bent on bringing back the 1950′s. Others, that we hate women, and want to oppress them.

Of course, all of these are at best simplistic descriptions, if not outright lies.

Essentially an MRA is someone that is concerned with the state of men due to various laws and social customs. MRAs are trying to change some of those things because we see a lot of pain and injustice. We want a better future, and a saner society, for ourselves and our children.

That’s not going to happen if we don’t take a much more honest look at things.

For example, did you know that suicide is the second leading cause of death for young men? Teenage boys are 5 times more likely to kill themselves than teenage girls. You might be tempted to put this down to just being male, but in the 1940′s, men and women were roughly equal in terms of suicides. The rate for men increased sharply in the early 1970′s, and has increased steadily since then.

Then there is Education, where boys graduate much less often than girls. Only 40% of University students are male right now. And like suicide, the numbers are worsening as time goes by. Given the need for a degree to secure a good income, things aren’t looking good for a large majority of men.

This brings us to employment, where men have a higher unemployment rate than women. And in the younger age groups, women without children make more than young men. Again, this trend is increasing with time, so in a few years men will on average make substantially less than women.

This topic gets discussed every once in a while… crying over the lack of ‘good providers’ for women. People are marrying later, in fewer numbers. And women-as-higher-earner couples split up far more often.

This leads us to divorce, which isn’t really all that bad if you’re female since women get primary residence 4 out of 5 times and benefit from continued financial support from the ex. So in a way, it’s like he’s still there. Generally, her life won’t change much. She’ll keep the house, the kids, and the paycheck.

The suicide rate for men after Divorce is 9 times that of women. It’s pretty easy to see why. The more difficult thing to see is that in this age of targeted support for ‘disadvantaged groups’ or those most in need, men as a group are yet to be supported for anything. The “male demographic essentially does not exist. And because ‘men’ are killing themselves more than the ‘designated victim group’ known as “women,” nothing gets done.

Moreover, no one cares if it does.

Like Education, and Employment, and Family Law, ‘men’ as a demographic can’t specifically be helped, because ‘men’ are the designated scapegoat for nearly every social program and custom we currently hold dear in our society. Men, and boys, have been dehumanized to allow ruthless exploitation without guilt. How then, can we care about them as a group?

The answer: we don’t.

At least the elite don’t. And they hold the reins of power. They have the support of the masses too, right now. It’s called tyranny of the majority, and it’s exactly what things like Constitutions were invented to prevent. Our society has gotten around this by applying a thing called ‘doublespeak’, coined by George Orwell in his novel 1984, and known today as political correctness – and Voila!, the Constitution becomes “A Living Document,” thereby allowing much tampering with.

In 1984, people were disappeared for having dangerous thoughts, and the ‘thought police’ did brisk business in the darkest hours of the night. In real life, people just get their careers destroyed, or get sent to jail for life on a false rape accusation. It happens with frightening regularity, but this isn’t the place for facts and figures. I’m just making some assertions here, inviting you to look into this, and see if I’m full of it, and quietly betting that if you’re honest you’ll be awfully shocked at what you find.

So, with all this shocking injustice so rampant in our society, how come no one has said or done anything about it? If this is all such a big deal, why the deafening silence and hordes of people leaping into inaction?

Well, that’s where you start to get into what I say is the ‘masculist’ aspect of the Men’s Movement. I apologize for throwing in some more terms, but I’m going to do it a few more times.

Basically, the Men’s Movement (hereafter MM) is a grouping of several trains of thought. MRAs concern themselves primarily with legal/political issues facing men. Masculists are the other half of the coin feminism is on, in that they study the social forces boys and men face.

Masculists contend our society has been conditioned to view ‘men’ as ‘the enemy’. Everything from Domestic Violence awareness campaigns to Anti-Poverty activism has a distinctly female face. Anti-rape activists have been painting all men as rapists, and teaching women and girls to fear and hate men, for decades. Canada has known DV is equally perpetrated by men and women since the 1970′s, but has yet to produce a campaign that says as much. Even Advertising has a distinctly anti-male flavor. Probably because mainstream media like the TV networks have largely given up on men, and tailor nearly all of their shows to a female audience.

Added all together, men have been on the receiving end of what amounts to a massive propaganda hate campaign for the better part of half a century, building upon (and distorting) the natural male inclination to protect the female. Up against that, I think it’s amazing we aren’t in much worse shape than we are.

That said, if we don’t smarten the fuck up real fast, we’re in for a world of hurt.

The question still hangs over the whole thing though. How the Hell did we allow things to get this bad? How did it become so acceptable to treat men and boys like disposable robots that exist only to please women, and produce and pay taxes? Who said men have no humanity?

Feminists, that’s who.

At the core of all feminism is this insane assertion that women were disadvantaged in the past, oppressed even, by all men everywhere – and on purpose. The idea is that if only women were given free reign they would have matched the great accomplishments of the men of History; that The Patriarchy held women down; that all women are victims; that all men are oppressors, indeed that men derived sexual pleasure from hurting women.

This mode of thinking pervades every single form of feminism, and this mode of thinking is nothing less than the codification of misandry. It is the Official Version, and all the reason one needs to commence with injustices. The only difference between flavors of feminism is the degree to which they hate, and blame, men.

Moreover, the greatest obstacle in the way of needed change is feminist ideology, followed closely by its Siamese Twin – Chivalry. Both modes of thinking require the believer to see themselves as superior to the man in question. Feminists are, at heart, nearly all female supremacists – especially given the reputation of feminism. Chivalrists hope the women they ‘protect’ notice how well they can provide, and how they can beat down their competition.

Basically, female feminists tend to view themselves as victims deserving of special rights based strictly on their sex (as reparations for someone else’s ‘suffering’), and Chivalrists view themselves as “real” or “good” men, and thus better mating choices.

Speaking of mating, there’s another subgroup in the Manosphere (see there I go dropping more terms – basically the Manosphere can be referred to as ‘male social consciousness’ as expressed online) known as PUAs (or Pick Up Artists) that center their social analysis around the dating and mating Game.

Remember that wage gap I referred to earlier? I’m sure more than a few of you indignantly thought “I’ve dated men that make less than me before. Hell, some of my best boyfriends were broke.” And I don’t doubt for a second that this is true.

Those were the guys that had what is referred to in PUA circles as ‘Game’. And all that means, is the guy understands women, what turns them on, and makes them keep wanting more. And as every woman reading this knows, what women say they want, and what they really want, are frequently miles apart.

PUAs teach men what fathers used to teach their sons in many respects, providing men with the tools they need to navigate todays dating world at least somewhat successfully.

The problem is, it’s far too easy to lose your job, or even freedom, if the wrong woman crosses your path. Crystal Gayle Magnum accused some Duke University students a while back, and it made the news for over a year. But it happens all the time to men and boys with less money, or notoriety. Only those guys end up being quietly thrown into jail. Often for life.

And no one cares, since all men are really rapists at heart as far as the public is concerned. The legal system is so anti-male that it is now legal precedent that hiring a hitman to kill your husband, or killing him even when other options are available, is defensible with a claim of DV.

The dead guy doesn’t get a chance to defend himself, and the killer walks.

And the Chivalrists (otherwise known as White Knights) openly congratulate themselves for making the world safe for female murderers.

This has caused a lot of men to throw up their hands in disgust, vowing to withdraw as far from society as possible. They call themselves Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW), and another way to describe their ethos is they have ‘gone John Galt’. They limit their interactions with women to only that which is necessary, refusing to socialize with or befriend women in some cases, simply never putting themselves in a position where they need to trust a woman, or be vulnerable to one.

At the heart of this movement is the desire to limit the risks of interaction as much as possible. While each individual woman encountered might not be the falsely accusin’ kind, she might be…and who wants to take that kind of chance?

Many of these men have taken a long hard look at women, sex, relationships, and the whole expected progression (date, marry, have children, retire, die) and found it to be of far higher cost than it’s worth. They have said ‘no thanks,’ and taken up video gaming.

Frankly, when it’s so bad that men will ignore women out of self-preservation, you’ve got impending disaster on your hands.

As to why we do nothing about it? Well, all I can say is this wouldn’t be the first time the cultural elite said ‘let them eat cake’.

But why would the elite want this? Who came up with the idea for all this stuff, and what was their goal? Was this all accidental?

Well, no actually. There’s this thing called Eugenics, which is a philosophy following the Darwinian principle of ‘survival of the fittest’. Actually, Darwin was a Eugenicist himself…which really isn’t all that surprising. So was Adolf Hitler, and Margaret Sanger, the founder of Planned Parenthood and feminist icon. Eugenic thinking runs throughout feminist dogma.

This should give you a hint as to why those with the power see no problem at all with running the average guy through the wringer. He only exists to give the elite pawns with which to to generate more power.

But what about Feminism? How did feminism become the vehicle for this destructive principle, and was it always so? The answer is yes, it was always so, since female supremacy and social ‘deconstruction’ is at the very heart of feminism. In point of fact, Feminist writers openly stated their plan to ‘deconstruct’ (Orwellian doublespeak for ‘destroy’) society in the 60′s and 70′s. They also openly advocated for Gendercide (some feminist musicians still do), the internment of men for purposes of slavery and breeding, and other means of ‘smashing the Patriarchy’ and installing women in the seats of power.

Think I’m exaggerating? Go back a bit and read the bits about the issues facing men and boys again.

Feminism has succeeded in breaking the institution of marriage, and atomizing the nuclear family, the very basis for society. The Marriage rates in much of what we call the Political West are currently setting records for the lowest in history. And even then, about half of them will end in Divorce.

With marriage and nuclear families becoming so rare (nearly half of all US children are born into single mother households, and in the UK they banned Father’s Day from schools because so many kids hadn’t ever seen one), Big Daddy Government is playing an increasingly important role in family life. And the birth rate is FAR below replacement levels…a Eugenicist’s wet dream.

And the more power Government has, the more power the cultural elite has. It’s really a no brainer; discord sown via feminism increases need for government, which is more than happy to oblige, for a pound of flesh. As a bonus, the economic chaos caused by such an unstable society allows real earnings to free fall, again, only for those not in the elite, who do as well as ever.

It’s a lot to digest, I know. But look into it before you shout crackpot, you’ll see these issues are real.

And the only thing standing up to all this right now, is a bunch of broke guys with an internet connection.

So can you do me a favor?

Wish us luck?

What Feminism Did To My Life

Some interesting things about feminism.

Original Post:


I’d like to tell you a story. It’s based on my experiences, but really it’s about any girl who was born in the West in the era of the 1960’s and later. It’s a story of betrayal, and lies, and fear, and pain. It’s a story of brainwashing on a massive scale, in a mad attempt to get us all to join the cult of feminism.
Like all successful cults, feminism targeted the most vulnerable and impressionable of us. They started on us young. And the messages delivered were sweet and affirming, and unobjectionable:
*Girl, you can do anything you want to do. Just set your mind to it, and it’s yours.
*My mom told me, “I wanted to be a doctor when I was growing up, but my mom told me that girls can’t be doctors. So I became a nurse. You can be anything you want.
I thought, ”Cool! This is sure a great time to be a girl! I’m glad no one told me I couldn’t be a doctor if I wanted to.
Then the messages started changing. They became more about “being equal” and less about working to achieve your goals.
*A woman can do anything a man can do.
*Hey, kids, look at this new set of books we have in the library. They’re biographies of famous Americans, and guess what? There are the same amount of volumes about famous American women as famous American men.

I spent many many happy hours reading and learning about Amelia Earhart, and Jane Addams, and Harriet Tubman,and Rosa Parks, and Susan B. Anthony. I wasn’t really interested in learning about the famous men. I mean, come on. We were learning about them in class (not that famous women weren’t covered), and besides, look at all that those women accomplished despite having far fewer rights and choices as men. GO SISTERS!!!
You can see how the mind set started to change. You can see how we learned to ignore the evidence (we were covering all of these people in class, but still thought it was sexist). Oh, we were starting to get a little indignant.
Then, the messages became much more political and angry.
*Women have been victims of the Patriarchy for all of our history. We’re not gonna take it anymore. Get out of our way, men. We are women, hear us roar!
*Just a few generations before us, women had no choice but to get married and live in servitude to their husbands, pushing out kid after kid after kid until they died young and used up. No More!
*Just a few generations before us, women were only allowed to study home economics at college, because we were considered too stupid to pick up anything else. Besides, it was just something for us to do until we found our master…er, I mean, husband. No More!
*A generation or two before us, women were not allowed to wear anything but skirts. Oppression!!! No More!
*Boys and men want only one thing from us, and one thing alone. And they will do anything to get it, the disgusting pigs.
*If we let them, men would have us barefoot, pregnant, and chained to the kitchen stove, only to be unchained when he wanted *gag* sex.
*Women only have to get mammograms because we’re second class citizens. If men had to get their testicles squeezed, you can bet they’d come up with a different test.

Now we were really ignoring our common sense. Did we think of how the men felt, working to support all those children? Did we think of all those great American women who had accomplished so much, supposedly without benefit of education? Did we wonder why wearing a skirt = oppression, and about all those pictures we’d seen of women in pants? Did we wonder how men managed to accomplish what they did despite being completely preoccupied with getting into our panties? Did we actually know of anyone who had ever been chained to a stove? Were mammograms really that painful? The answer to all of the above questions is a resounding, “NO”. We did not. Never entered our minds. We were programmed, and like good little robots, we spouted what we had been taught.

And we were angry. Oh, so very angry. Stinking, misogynistic, oppressive….MEN!
But we still wanted families. We wanted (sex). Even though we couldn’t say that, of course. But why couldn’t we? Weren’t we strong, liberated, independent women? Well, yes, but, but, but, if we said we wanted men, that would mean we needed them, and we don’t need those stinking MEN! Oh, my. We were confused.
But we still got married, and had children and fought and fought and fought against our instincts. We were unhappy and angry, and didn’t really know why, but we were told it was MEN, so that’s who we lashed out at.
And now that we were liberated and able to work, wages went down so far that it became impossible to support our little family on one income, and we soon had no choice but to get a job. Damn. Now we can’t be full-time moms, and that makes us feel guilty, but we don’t have a choice, let’s blame MEN.
And now the messages are:
*You are empowered!
*You can have it all!
*You are superwoman!
*Stinking men should do more housework! Oppressors. Everything bad is their fault.
And the one thing that is above all in importance when it comes to love and happy relationships was gone. We were unable to trust our men. We could never fully let down our guard. God knows we couldn’t let him run the household. That would be submitting to oppression, and we didn’t want that. Right? Isn’t that right???
So now, we come back to me. Nineteen years married. Having never fully trusted my husband. Sex went from painful to a chore. Resentment grew and grew and grew, because I couldn’t tell him how I felt, because that might hurt his ego. And everyone knows, we can’t do that. But why not? Am I not a strong, independent woman? Um…yes? I guess. I don’t know. I just can’t. Communication is a no no.
And then, I discovered something that changed my life. I discovered that I had been lied to from the very beginning. And suddenly, it all made sense. SON OF ABITCH! Those pigs had lied to me! From the beginning!!
Oh,you want to talk about angry? Disoriented? It was like I had been having a nightmare all those years, and I finally woke up. I became, as they say,“unplugged from the fematrix”. I’ll be 42 years old tomorrow. I’ve been married for 19 years. And my life has been a lie.
I’m getting my equilibrium back. I’m learning to listen to myself and say what I have to say and let people be who they have to be. I am no longer part of the cult. Oh, but the aftermath is painful. I’ll survive it. I’ll move on. I still have part of my life left to live, and I can finally do so with a clear head.
But I’ll never get those 40 years back. They’re gone forever.

That’s what feminism has done for me.

Example Number 2

AMiddle-Aged Princess Grows Up

On the cusp of my 45th birthday, I made the mistake of looking in the mirror. It wasn’t the bathroom mirror, it was a photo I had from graduate school. I looked at myself 20 years ago and had a startling and clear epiphany. It wasn’t a happy moment. It was a terribly sad moment. It was so sad that I involuntarily burst into tears, something I haven’t done since the dark days of my divorce.

I looked at the photo and came to the conclusion that I had made a real mess of my life. I felt the utter misery of my life come in waves of sadness, regret, anger, and loneliness. For almost an hour I cried as I looked at the photo of a younger me. I was 24 with a fresh MBAfrom an excellent school. I was eager to conquer the business world. I was eager to prove that women could do anything. I was so much thinner. My clothes looked stylish, almost sexy. Of course the hair style was awful but that wasthe 80s and such styles could be forgiven. I saw the brightness in my eyes, the sparkle of life, of the great opportunities that were open to me. The world was there for my taking and I was ready.

But somehow, some way, it never came to be. My life evolved into something painful and difficult. But until thatmoment when I looked at my photo from over two decades ago, I always blamed someone else. It was never my fault for the bad decisions I made. Typically, it was the fault of men – my father, my boyfriends, my husband, my boss, my sons.Never, ever was it something that I had done. When I commiserated with my women friends, they always supported me. They even supported me when I had my affair,telling me that my husband was not giving me the attention that I needed. I read the women’s magazines and every article was about how women were always strong, intelligent, morally righteous, unable to make bad decisions. Worse, I believed that any of my needs, no matter how frivolous, no matter how many times I changed my mind, no matter how miserable I made the men in my life feel, were more important than anything – motherhood, career advancement, a healthy marriage, whatever.

I hate the world for teaching me those lessons. I remember complaining about how my husband never grew up. But as the tears streamed down my face, I came to the conclusion that I had never grown up. I never learned about compromise, trust, tolerance, niceness. I was abitch, pure and simple. I know now that being a bitch is not about strength or independence. Being a bitch is about being repellent, unpleasant, unhappy, andlonely. Being a bitch is nothing more than being a spoiled princess who is too selfish or stupid to accept the joy in life.

I had become a fat, unpleasant,middle-aged princess because I had refused to grow up. Sure, I had taken ongrown-up responsibilities (marriage, career, house, motherhood) but at the coreof my psyche was a 13-year-old girl who stamped her feet and whined when shedidn’t get her way. Of course, I had stopped whining years ago but I simply replaced the whining with emotional manipulation and ornery bitchiness. No wonder I was still single and my two teenaged sons spent all their free time with their father.

When I was growing up, being a dilettante feminist, I swallowed the standard line that women can have it all.I wanted it all and I wanted to make no compromises, to assume no sacrifices,and to feel completely validated in all of my lifestyle choices. The biggest mistake in my late teens and early 20s was to let other women – women whom I thought to be strong, independent, and intelligent – determine which lifestyleI was to follow. I was simply too spoiled and lazy to look inward, to embrace the kind of introspection necessary to find one’s own path in life, the path that could lead to real fulfillment and happiness.

I remember college well. It was a funtime and I thought, at the time, an enlightening time. The parties wereexciting, the political debates intense, the string of boyfriends and casual sexual encounters pleasant. I studied hard and I played hard. I attended the campus feminist meetings and listened to diatribes from sturdy and self-righteous peers about the evils of masculinity. I learned to scorn men when I didn’t need them for selfish reasons – study partners, shoulders to cry on, willing sexual partners. But I was never hesitant to bat my eyelashes or let my skirt ride up on my then-slender thighs if I needed something from aman. Men were handy to have around occasionally, but certainly not required, asmy female peers kept insisting.

I learned that the only place for a woman was in the boardroom and that motherhood was beneath my intelligence. I“took back the night” at a few after-dark rallies with hundreds of young womeneager to prove to the world that all men were rapists and potentially violent criminals.

When I got pregnant my sophomore year, it was easy to get an abortion. The campus health center was almost eagerto make sure the procedure was done quickly and quietly. I never told myparents. I never told the fellow who made me pregnant. I don’t even remember his name, I only vaguely remember a wild night with the college hockey team at an off-campus party. Only now do I consider the irony of how I was attracted to college athletes in school – the type of men who liked being in control.

Pursuing my MBA once I completed my undergraduate studies was a foregone conclusion. I was destined for the boardroom, or so I had convinced myself. Graduate school was tough. I was competingwith some very bright people, mostly men. Those men were destined for successand they knew it. But I had something that I exploited. I had my femininity and I used it ruthlessly when I had to. I tried to convince myself that the affairwith my married finance professor had nothing to do with grades. Of course,finance was the most difficult course and when I managed surface at the end ofthe semester with a B it was hard to rationalize that the secret trysts with the professor had nothing to do with it. But the ends always justifies the means and there was no way I would not succeed. The other few women in my class were doing the same if they could get away with it. We never talked about it,but it was understood and we sometimes giggled about it and gloated that we had something the men would never have.

I met my husband that last year ingraduate school. He was pursuing a degree in sociology. The chemistry with himwas quite intense in the beginning. He had long hair and a motorcycle. He wasthe classic bohemian and I felt the need to rein him in, to make him a betterman (or at least my definition of a better man). He was irresponsible andsometimes unruly but I loved him with all my heart and soul.

After graduating, I found work in abig corporation. Every day I went to work with my power suit and shoulder padsunder my jacket. I walked in my sneakers and changed into work shoes when I gotto the office at 7AM to put in another 12 hour day. I was married by then in awedding straight from Modern Bride magazine. My husband had finally cut hishair after much insistence from me. He would later call it severe nagging but Igot my wish so it didn’t matter.

He found work in a consumer research organization. He didn’t get paid as much as me but that didn’t matter. My income was big and growing bigger. We bought a house I found in the suburbs. Hehad recommended something more modest and closer to downtown where we bothworked. I would have none of that. My success had to be readily visible with abig, traditional house and a big lawn. I made sure he took care of the lawn despite his resistance.

After five years, I felt the need tohave babies. It wasn’t a mutual decision. I wanted babies. No, I desperatelyneeded a baby. I felt empty inside without kids. It was a completely irrational feeling for a high-flying career woman hell-bent on being the next corporate CEO. My husband was cool towards the idea. He asked how we would balance thedemands of being parents and supporting a rather expensive lifestyle. I didn’tcare. My womb was empty. I had needs. Neither reason nor logic affected myneeds or my feelings.

So, the first baby came. Instantly,life changed. I couldn’t put in the hours I needed to maintain my career trajectory. My husband changed as well. He quickly lost his bohemian attitudes.He sold his motorcycle and became a devoted father to our son. Of course, I hadbeen pushing for this since we had gotten married. His words, as revealedduring the divorce, were “shrill, nagging harpy who relentlessly pushed me into fatherhood”. But he loved our first son and even offered to work only part timeto allow me to keep on with my career. That would not do. I was the mother, thequeen, the all-knowing and wise creator of my son. My husband was clearly an incompetent boob who didn’t know a diaper from a car seat.

My boss saw that I was distracted with my new duties as super-mom. He looked at my productivity and knew I couldn’t perform like my single or childfree colleagues. So, I was“mommy-tracked”. They didn’t call it that then. But when a male colleague was promoted over me, I knew what was happening. I hated it. I was livid. How couldI not have it all? So, I played the feminine card again, this time with astick, not a carrot. I paid a visit to Human Resources with a veiled threat of a discrimination lawsuit. It didn’t work, of course, because it was very clearthat I was putting in fewer hours with the resultant loss of productivity. It was all documented and defensible. I was furious. How dare they. I summoned upall the righteous wrath I could. I consulted an outside attorney, a ferocious female lawyer who was quite prepared to sue until she made a pass at me. Open-minded I was, but certainly not a lesbian. I let the legal issue drop and sullenly accepted my reduced role at work. After all, we had expenses to pay and my salary was certainly needed.

I watched my husband evolve from bohemian to responsible father. He was astoundingly good with our first son. Ofcourse, at the time, I didn’t recognize that. I thought everything he did was wrong. Only I, the supreme mother, could raise our first boy. We struggled fora couple of years. It wasn’t easy. So, when I got pregnant again – unplanned by my husband, completely planned by me – the stress continued to grow. Money wasn’t tight but the pressure to maintain our lifestyle and that big house was mostly on my shoulders. I resented my husband for that. He had chosen a career he loved but the pay was not nearly as much as mine. I really had to work andwith being on the mommy track, there was no way I could achieve what I had expected in my career.

We did use day-care and a part-time housekeeper. Actually, we went through eight housekeepers. They were never good enough for me. Nothing was good enough for me. My shoes didn’t fit, my clothes looked bad, the car wasn’t clean enough, my husband wasn’t up to my standards.Looking back in brutal honesty, I was a stark, raving bitch. I don’t think I said a nice word in years. I am amazed that my husband put up with me. I didn’t take him seriously, he was just a man, after all.

In my limited social life, I spent time with women like me. We were an unhappy group of 30-something moms with powerful careers. But we also smiled and pretended that life was perfect. We all had the right homes, the right cars, the right schools, the right careers.We convinced ourselves that we did have it all. Occasionally, one of us mightvent some frustration at the situation. When that happened, we always had convenient scapegoats – our husbands, our bosses, our housekeepers, the schools, whatever. It was never, ever our fault because we were female.

With one son at five and the other at seven, it fell apart. Rather, it exploded. My husband just gave up. He had been supportive to me and good with the children. So, it caught me by surprise when he just gave up. I guess I should have seen it. I was always using sex as a weapon with him. If he didn’t do exactly what I said, if he didn’t bend over backwards to fulfill my every whim, he didn’t experience any kind of sexualpleasure. I remember I caught him playing with himself one night. I was furious. How could he experience sexual satisfaction without my control being somehow involved?

As a healthy woman, I did have my own sexual needs. So, rather than enjoy sex within the context of a marriage, I hadan affair. It was easy. I was still somewhat attractive. There were men around.“Why not?” I easily rationalized to myself. My husband doesn’t give me enoughattention, it’s all his fault. The affair was inconsequential, just some sex onweekends and on business trips. I needed it so therefore it was OK. While myhusband was being a father, I was being an empowered, independent woman visiting cheap motels with a man who could give me orgasms.

The affair lasted three months. My husband never found out. He didn’t need to, he just gave up. Interestingly, he channeled his efforts into a side business as a marketing consultant. This proved to be quite lucrative for him. Within six months his income had exceeded mine. Our savings account grew substantially. “It’s for the boys’ college tuition” he told me over and over again.

I was unhappy. My career was stressful and unrewarding. My two sons were closer to my husband than to me because of all the hours I was working. He had quit his full-time job and wasthriving as a marketing consultant, a job that he could do out of the housewith just his computer and a phone. I felt frustrated and unfulfilled. My female friends recommended counseling. So, we gave that a try. I subtly pickeda counselor whom I know would be sympathetic to me. The sessions were actuallyfun in a very unpleasant way. The counselor and I spent 50 minutes picking onmy husband. He quietly sat there and took it, apologizing and promising tochange. I didn’t have to promise to do anything. The counselor – a woman muchlike me – made it very clear that my needs were paramount and his needs were completely irrelevant.

Naturally, the counseling didn’t work for us. My husband retreated into fatherhood and his growing business. I contemplated another affair. Unfortunately, I was gaining a lot of weight. At asize 12, it was hard to get attractive men to look at me. My friends recommended that I consider divorce. I look back and think about my “friends”from that period in my life. They were a group of unhappy women trying so hardto validate their own, poor life decisions. I let them influence me when Ishould have been strong. That was an enormous mistake.

I didn’t hate my husband I just didn’t love him like I used to. I wanted a new and better life. I could raise my sons without him. I had been reading that kids really didn’t need fathers. Iwas feeling so unfulfilled. When I served my husband with divorce papers, hedidn’t seem surprised. I had consulted with a good divorce attorney and she strongly recommended that I go for everything – house, cars, custody, alimony, child support, everything. “It’s a war and as a woman, you have to win” were her words.

The divorce was ugly and despite thefact that I did get the house, the car, the kids, child support, and the savings account that he had filled, I ultimately lost. My ex moved out, leavingme to take care of the house and kids. He moved into a very modest apartment and we agreed that he could see the boys on weekends. The court actually ordered that to happen. I was happy to force him out of their lives completely but he was rigidly insistent and that damned judge agreed.

I was single again. I was ready todate again. But at 38, dating was not like the wild times in college and graduate school when I was young, alluring, and desired by men. No, I was asingle mom now. I had cut my hair short and my figure was almost past the pointof no return. The kind of man I wanted to date had no interest in me. Those powerful and successful men had younger, prettier, nicer girlfriends.

The divorced men were the worst. They were either so disillusioned that they couldn’t handle a relationship or they were just hopping from bed to bed, not willing to be exclusive. I so much wanted to be swept off my feet into the arms of an attractive man to take careof me and make my troubles go away. I still thought of myself as a princess. I was still silly, stupid, and immature.

Yet the men I was attracted to wouldn’t give me a second thought. The men who did want me were totally unsuitable. It was astounding to me that I wasn’t attractive any more. So many men in college were after me. I remember mocking all the guys who approached meat parties. If they had the slightest flaw, I pushed them away, usually with apointed insult or two. I never thought twice about the men I rejected, some of them decent and sweet when I look back on it. My girlfriends and I called them“mamma’s boys” while we let ourselves be taken by the cocky, arrogant prickswho always made us feel overpowering attraction and lust.

To make matters worse, I couldn’t fix anything in the house. My husband had tended to all those matters. My boys were pre-teens and very difficult for me to handle. They hated the fact that they could only see their father on weekends. Their grades dropped. They started having discipline problems in school. Naturally, I blamed their father. It was all his fault that we divorced and that he lived apart from them. I tried not to say bad things about him in front of my sons but the feelings were just so strong. I said terrible things about their father, especially when I was drinking, which I did a lot of back then.

If I was unhappy when I was married,I was now wretchedly miserable as a single mom looking for love again. I tried hard to convince myself that I was a strong, independent, and intelligent woman. Sometimes it worked, especially when I was browbeating subordinates at work. I actually hated my job. I made a good living, yes. Yet I had reached the zenith of my career and the board room was not one bit closer. I still felt terribly conflicted about being a good mom and being the corporate woman.

I had lots of blame to dole out. There was no way that the current state of my life was the result of my decisions. My single girlfriends all told me that, many, many times overcopious cocktails in sundry singles bars. I read a lot of women’s magazines and the advice I got said pretty much the same thing – a woman is never to blame.

I tried to lose weight but it was so very difficult. When I was hungry, I simply had to eat, usually ice cream or something with chocolate. I had to buy new clothes, again, because the weight kept piling on. I was set up on a blind date and the man had the sheer audacityto say “I’m sorry, I’m just not attracted to you because of your weight.” Inever thought about my own hypocrisy about trying to find a man to whom I was attracted to physically. Men must be attracted to me, I am a woman, after all.

The past few years have been kind of a blur. My ex husband had found a new love of his life and I naturally hated him for that. I tried to increase the child support payments. When that didn’t work, I tried to prevent my sons from visiting him. They fought me on this. I took out my frustrations at work. My boss threatened to fire me. Only my girlfriends gave me any support. We had boozy nights where we ate and drank toomuch. Frankly, we were a bunch of fat, unhappy, single women who heaped blame upon the world for the state of our lives.

So when I saw the photograph from college, the epiphany hit hard. Through the tears of anguish, rage, bitterness,and denial came the incredibly painful realization that I was responsible for my own unhappiness. I finally figured out that I had not grown up and had nottruly embraced adulthood. This was six months ago.

I’ve made some profound changes in my life since then. First and foremost, I stopped blaming everyone else for my own problems. This was the hardest. For my entire life I was told – and I believed- that as a woman, I could do no wrong, that I was not responsible, that I was always the victim in some way. Over and over I had to tell myself that only Iam responsible for my happiness.

Once I learned to stop blaming the world, I taught myself to be pleasant and nice. This was hard as well. I had always mistaken pleasantness weakness. This is not the case. A newcolleague at work – a woman from the South – showed me very clearly it’s quite easy to be nice and be strong at the same time.

I also dumped my girlfriends. Thiswas easy. This group of unhappy and negative women was actually encouraging meto do stupid things like divorce a perfectly good man because of my selfish and very arbitrary feelings of the moment. I finally learned that acting solely on feelings is the realm of children, not adults. Maybe those women will finally learn that. But I doubt it.

I’m at the gym every day. After being rebuffed by so many attractive and decent guys, I decided to apply standards of real equality to the whole dating thing. After all, if I believe in physical attraction, why should not I understand that men are the same way? Being fat means not being physically attractive to many, many men so it’s up to me to do something about, not be angry with men about the situation. The weight is coming off. It’s a battle, to be sure, but it’s coming off. I’m also letting myhair grow and getting rid of that awful “mom” hair style.

I no longer read those loathsome women’s magazines nor do I watch a lot of TV. When I freed my mind from so many complete misconceptions about men, I learned that men are actually wonderful people. My sons saw my transformation. As they grow older and become men intheir own right, I have stopped nagging them about “feelings” and “sensitivity”and encourage them to be men. I doubt I’ll ever mend fences with my ex husband,all I can do is hope that he finds happiness and joy in his life. I have a new respect for him, a respect born from understanding that men are very different,not worse, just different. My ex is also an excellent father, I am blessed forthat.

I’ve learned to accept that my needs aren’t the center of the universe. That was actually quite liberating. Nolonger am I a slave to the whimsy of my often shallow emotions that can’t be reasonably fulfilled. This means I complain less. If I can’t change the situation, why complain about it? Winter is cold, my complaints about the temperature will do nothing to warm the air.

The biggest regret I have in life isbeing so weak as to not to have made the serious introspection until this pointin my life. If I were truly strong, truly intelligent, I would have really thought about what is important to me instead of following the herd. In retrospect, clawing my up the corporate ladder was a very bad decision. Exploiting my femininity to manipulate men was even worse. I love being a woman but using sex to get what I want is no better than a man using brute strength to get what he wants.

I’m still single and dating still eludes me. There is a glimmer of hope, however, a very nice man complimented me on my smile. At 45 years old, that was the first time anyone has noticed mysmile. My eldest son noticed it too, “Mom, I’ve never seen you smile untilnow.” Life must get better for me. That’s my responsibility, no one else’s.


Lori Henderson Judge’s Findings

This is kind of insane. The judge’s final remarks against Lori Handrahan.


1. Plaintiff Igor Malenko (“Malenko”) is an individual who resides in the city of South Portland, County of Cumberland, State of Maine. Malenko is the father, and court determined custodial parent of one minor child (“M.M.”), whose date of birth is xx/yy/2006.

2. Defendant Lori Handrahan (“Handrahan”) is an individual who resides in Washington, D.C., County of Washington, District of Columbia.

3. Malenko and Handrahan were married on May 30, 2006 in Bar Harbor, Maine.
4. A child, M.M., was born to Malenko and Handrahan on xx/yy/2006.
5. On May 16, 2008, Malenko filed a Divorce Complaint against Handrahan.
6. On May 23, 2008, Malenko served the Divorce Complaint against Handrahan.
7. Immediately after being served with the Divorce Complaint, Handrahan filed a Protection from Abuse Complaint (“PFA”) against Malenko on May 23, 2008, making false claims that Malenko suffered from mental illness.
8. As a direct result of this retaliatory and false PFA Complaint, Malenko’s fundamental and constitutionally-protected interests in the nurture, upbringing, companionship, care, and custody of his child were substantially infringed upon.
9. After the guardian ad litem appointed by the Court and the Court-appointed doctorate level forensic psychologist indicated that they did not believe Malenko was suffering from mental illness or any other defect that would prohibit him from having unsupervised contact with his child, Handrahan then began making false claims that he was a homicidal abuser, as part of her effort to destroy the father/daughter bond.

10. The court hearing the divorce case ultimately rejected Handrahan’s claims of abuse and mental illness and granted Malenko significant rights of unsupervised visitation with his child.
11. Handrahan repeatedly violated provisions of the Divorce Judgment, made unilateral decisions regarding the child’s welfare, and continued to do everything in her power to damage or destroy the father/daughter bond.
12. Finally, Malenko filed several Motions to Modify, asking the Court to grant him custody of the child.
13. Days after the Court sent out Notices of Hearing on the several Motions to Modify, Defendant forced her child to repeat false statements about Malenko sexually abusing her.
14. Defendant even forced her two year old child to make these false, rehearsed statements while Defendant recorded them on a video recorder.
15. Defendant persuaded her friend and advocate to listen to the false, coached statements, and then to contact the Department of Health and Human Services (“DHHS”) and claim that the child had made a disclosure of sexual abuse.
16. Defendant also persuaded her friend and advocate to make completely unsubstantiated claims that Malenko had child pornography on his computers.
17. As a result of these claims, DHHS launched an investigation.
18. As a result of these claims, Malenko’s rights to as a parent of M.M. were substantially infringed upon.
19. Defendant continued to coach and force her then two year old child to make false statements to others including Spurwink Child Abuse Program (“Spurwink”) investigators regarding

20. As a result of similar false claims by Handrahan’s friend, and as a result of more false claims that Handrahan made to Spurwink, the minor child was subjected to an invasive medical exam by Spurwink’s medical team as it looked for evidence of sexual trauma,which Handrahan knew did not exist.
21. Thus, as a direct result of the claims caused to be made by Handrahan and with Handrahan’s consent, her two year old child was examined by various medical professionals.
22. As a direct result of the false claims by Handrahan and her friend and advocate, the two (2) year old child underwent at least 8 separate interviews regarding alleged sexual abuse by her father.
23. The examination of the child’s genitals and the numerous interviews regarding false allegations of sexual abuse caused direct harm to the child.
24. The Portland office of DHHS unsubstantiated the claims on August 20, 2009.
25. Handrahan immediately demanded that DHHS at the highest levels reconsider this determination of “unsubstantiation.”
26. Dan Despard, the Director, Division of Child Welfare, then conducted a de novo review of the file and affirmed the decision made regarding unsubstantiation, by letter dated August 25, 2009.
27. On or about August 14, 2009, understanding that her and her friend’s false claims were about to be discredited by DHHS, Handrahan unilaterally took the child four hours north of her home in South Portland, to her vacation home in Sorrento, Maine.
28. On August 14, 2009, Handrahan then filed yet another PFA, this time in Ellsworth District Court, making more false claims that Malenko had sexually abused their child, and also making false allegations that “he was discharged from the [Yugoslavian] Army for pointing a gun at an officer’s head.”

29. Handrahan filed this PFA in Ellsworth District Court specifically to avoid Judge Jeff Moskowitz, the Portland District Court Judge who had presided over the divorce trial.
30. Handrahan wrote an article, published on June 2, 2009 in the Bangor Daily News, entitled “American courts have never been kind to women, kids,” in which she was critical of Judge Moskowitz’s decisions in the divorce trial.
31. As a direct result of this false PFA in the Ellsworth District Court, Handrahan stripped Malenko of his parental rights and ability to see M.M. for a period of time.
32. The PFA case was transferred back to Portland District Court, where Handrahan was provided a full opportunity for a hearing before Judge Jeff Moskowitz, on October 26, 2009.
33. Handrahan decided not to appear at this final hearing on her PFA, because, as she later testified under oath, it was “inconvenient.”
34. On October 26, 2009, after a full hearing, Judge Moskowitz dismissed the PFA from the bench, finding that Handrahan had presented “extremely precarious evidence of an extremely serious charge.”
35. On November 2, 2009, the parties entered into a Stipulated Order giving Malenko unsupervised visits with his child every single weekend, from Thursday through Sunday one week and Friday through Sunday the next week.
36. Malenko enjoyed the 2009 Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving weekend with his child for the first time in over a year.
37. Malenko and his attorney, Michael Waxman, became friends through this ordeal, and Waxman invited Malenko and his child to spend Thanksgiving with his children, his ex-wife (Carol Amoroso), her husband and friends, at Amoroso’s house.
38. Malenko and his child also spent the following weekend with Waxman and his children and his parents at the family’s vacation home in New Hampshire.

39. Upon hearing of the visits Malenko and his child enjoyed with Waxman, Handrahan filed a Protection from Harassment Complaint (“PFH”) against Waxman in Ellsworth District Court.
40. The PFH claimed that Waxman had harassed and threatened and harmed Malenko and Handrahan’s child.
41. Handrahan had no basis upon which to make these claims.
42. These were false claims made in an effort to prevent Waxman from continuing to represent Malenko.
43. Handrahan’s goal was to strip Malenko of legal representation so that he would have no way to defend himself in ongoing proceedings.
44. Handrahan knew that Waxman was not charging Malenko for his legal representation.
45. Handrahan filed this PFH in Ellsworth, once again, in order to avoid Portland judges, whom she believed had been conscripted by Waxman into a conspiracy to harm her and deny her justice.
46. On February 12, 2010, Waxman had a hearing on his Motion to Dismiss the temporary PFH before Portland District Court Judge, Honorable Roland Beaudoin, who dismissed the temporary order.
47. On March 4 and March 5, Portland District Court Judge, Honorable Jane Bradley, presided over Handrahan’s PFH Complaint against Waxman.
48. On April 7, 2010, Judge Bradley dismissed Handrahan’s PFH case against Waxman.
49. Handrahan also began filing numerous grievances against Waxman in the fall of 2009 and continuing into 2010. These grievances were part of Handrahan’s effort to prevent Waxman from continuing to represent Malenko

50. On December 2, 2010, Justice Alexander, of the Maine Supreme Judicial Court, filed a 65 page decision exonerating Waxman of the 14 counts of unethical conduct alleged by Handrahan.
51. Handrahan also contacted DHHS Child Support Enforcement beginning in November 2009 and falsely claimed that Malenko owed in excess of $7,000 in child support.
52. These false claims caused DHHS to withhold Malenko’s tax return in 2010 for months, causing a tremendous financial hardship for Malenko.
53. DHHS finally discovered Handrahan’s representations were false and turned the tax return monies over to Malenko.
54. In January 2011, Malenko finally was granted a hearing on his multiple motions to modify before Portland District Court Judge Jeff Moskowitz.
55. Handrahan attended this hearing and was represented by counsel.
56. By Order dated February, 1, 2011, Judge Moskowitz stripped Handrahan of custody of the minor child and transferred custody to Malenko.
57. By that same order, Judge Moskowitz also allocated decision-making authority regarding the minor child’s welfare to Malenko, if the parties could not reach agreement.
58. Judge Moskowitz also stated as follows: “the Defendant [Handrahan] has simply resisted Plaintiff’s [Malenko’s] efforts to be [the minor child’s] father at nearly every turn.”
59. Before and after this Order, Handrahan made repeated false claims to DHHS and to medicalproviders that Malenko was poisoning the minor child with methamphetamines and sexuallyabusing his daughter.
60. Just after this Order entered, Handrahan contacted DHHS and made claims that Malenkohad hit the child in the head with a frying pan.
61. These claims were all false.

62. As a result of these false claims, the then four year old child had an invasive medical exam conducted at Maine Coast Memorial Hospital with Handrahan’s consent.
63. Also, Handrahan herself took urine and fecal samples from her child and presented them to medical providers to be tested for drugs.
64. Handrahan also froze several samples of her daughter’s urine for later testing.
65. Handrahan also forced her child to state into a recording device that Malenko had hit her in the head with a frying pan.
66. Handrahan presented this false, coached, audio tape to DHHS.
67. As a direct result, the Ellsworth office of DHHS launched another investigation into Malenko, and interviewed the child on at least two occasions regarding the frying pan.
68. The child clearly and forthrightly stated that her father never hit her in the head with a frying pan, and that she knew Handrahan was saying this happened, but it was not true.
69. DHHS issued another letter unsubstantiating these false allegations on April 29, 2011.
70. On or about the week of June 13, 2011, Handrahan made yet another false claim with DHHS, claiming that Malenko was poisoning the minor child with methamphetamines and that Malenko possessed child pornography on his computers.
71. DHHS opened a file in the Biddeford office because Handrahan claimed that Waxman had “connections” with the Portland and Ellsworth offices, each of which had unsubstantiated previous claims.
72. Mark Dalton, DHHS Regional Manager for York County, has stated that there is no evidence supporting these claims by Handrahan. In a letter dated June 27, 2011, DHHS again found the allegations of neglect and sexual abuse against Malenko to be unsubstantiated. See Pl. Ex. 8b

73. Handrahan has also reached out to the administration of Governor LePage in order to try and destroy Malenko’s fundamental rights as a parent. These communications included false statements about Malenko in order to persuade Governor LePage to act on her behalf.
74. As a result of Handrahan’s behavior, M.M. was required to stop attending a day care center where she had become attached to friends and caregivers. M.M. has experienced social isolation as a result of Handrahan’s actions and threats.
75. Even though she testified in January that she makes $105,000 per year and even though the February 1, 2011 Order obligates her to pay Malenko $368.80 per week, Handrahan has repeatedly withheld child support payments. See Pl. Ex. 26.
76. Handrahan has evaded service of process and refused to accept service of process in connection with this case and other related legal proceedings.
77. On June 21, 2011, Handrahan arrived at Malenko’s residence and pounded on his front door screaming “give me my child!!!” “where is my child?” “I am here to take my child!!” “Why are you hiding my child??”
78. Handrahan proceeded to run around the house, peering into windows and screaming.
79. The child was in Malenko’s arms and traumatized, not wanting to go to her mother.
80. Malenko called the police and they escorted her off Malenko’s property.
81. Malenko obtained a PFH on his own behalf and on behalf of his minor child the next day, June 22, 2011.
82. On June 23, 2011, Handrahan sent her private investigator, Stephen Pickering, a former Maine State Trooper, to the home of attorney Waxman’s children and his children’s mother, Carol Amoroso.
83. The private investigator, Stephen Pickering, banged on the front door, walked around the property, and called Ms. Amoroso on the phone, demanding to speak with her.

84. Ms. Amoroso declined to be interviewed and was very shaken up by this conduct. As a result, she contacted the Yarmouth Police about this incident.
85. None of Waxman’s four children were at Ms. Amoroso’s house when Mr. Pickering approached the premises.
86. Waxman’s four children have been warned that there is a private investigator hired by Handrahan, trying to intimidate Waxman’s loved ones, and that if he makes contact with them, they are to refuse to cooperate and that they should contact the police.
87. By sending her private investigator to the home of Malenko’s attorney’s children, Handrahan intended to intimidate attorney Waxman and to deprive Malenko of further legalservices.
88. Beginning in the Fall of 2011 and following Malenko’s filing of this action, Handrahan initiated broad dissemination of defamatory material regarding Malenko on the internet.
89. Handrahan launched a site called “Saving M.M.” on which she placed a great deal of material, including many claims that Malenko has abused his child, has raped his child, has poisoned her with methamphetamines, has sold her to obtain money for a green card, has “trafficked” her, has been visiting child pornography sites on the internet, has placed M.M. in a pedophile ring, has conspired with others including his attorney, judges, district attorneys, DHHS workers and others. See Pl. Exs. 10-19.
90. Handrahan has made significant efforts to ensure that the material on her “Saving M.M.” website is viewed by many others and disseminated worldwide. See, e.g., Pl. Ex. 16.
91. Handrahan has sent these same false claims to multiple people by email, including multiple government officials. See Pls. Exs. 1-5.

92. Handrahan has posted many audio tapes on various sites also, which contain similar false statements regarding Malenko.
93. Handrahan also posted a picture of M.M.’s genitals on her “Saving M.M.” website. See Pl. Ex. 6.
94. Handrahan has also posted personal information regarding Malenko and M.M., including their addresses, Malenko’s social security number and employment information.
95. Handrahan coached her child (at age 2 ½) to make false statements about Malenko sexually abusing her into a video camera and she has posted that video on the internet. See Pl. Ex.27.
96. As a direct result of Handrahan’s defamation, Malenko has received threats from followers of Handrahan. Malenko has also been warned by local police regarding threats against him that they considered serious.
97. As a direct result of Handrahan’s defamation, Malenko’s life has been significantly and negatively impacted in many ways.

98. Malenko, normally an outgoing, friendly person, now lives in many ways like a recluse, refusing to initiate new relationships and anxious about his present relationships because he is well aware that the staggering quantity and disgusting quality of the online defamation could convince others that he is some kind of monster.
99. Malenko carries with him at all times numerous court documents and decisions from DHHS, just in case Handrahan makes new, false claims against him.
100. Malenko testified that M.M. has been negatively impacted by the vast quantity and malicious quality of defamatory material in that Malenko has been very, very concerned about permitting other children into his home without the parents in attendance. He has been so shaken up by the heinous defamation published by Handrahan that he feels completely on the defensive at all times around all children.

101. Malenko testified that he has been trained in and received certifications as a swimming instructor, that he formerly derived income and a great deal of enjoyment from coaching and teaching children to swim. As a direct result of the defamation all over the internet, Malenko no longer teaches any children swimming skills other than his own, and is unlikely ever to do so again.
102. Malenko testified that the defamation has negatively impacted his performance at his job, prompting him to lose concentration and make mistakes he would not otherwise have made.
103. Malenko wishes to pursue a career as a pharmacist but is concerned that Handrahan’s repeated, false claims that he has poisoned M.M. with methamphetamines could negatively impact that goal of his as well.
104. Malenko testified that he is seriously considering changing his and M.M.’s last names in order to avoid the stigma now associated with those names as a result of Handrahan’s internet postings.
105. As a direct result of Handrahan’s false representations, Malenko has been deprived of the love and companionship of his child for long periods of time.
106. As a direct result of Handrahan’s false representations, M.M. has been deprived of the love and companionship of her father for long periods of time.
107. As a direct result of Handrahan’s actions and false representations, M.M. has suffered physical and emotional harm.
108. In March 2012, Maine DDHS concluded that Handrahan’s actions on January 27, 2012 inflicted “high severity emotional abuse” on M.M. See Pl. Exs. 8a & 18.

Divorce Attorney Dirty Tricks

Some information regarding divorce attorneys and court processes.

Credits to Hasmat.

Original Post:

I had a thread posted with many of these. It somehow disappeared. I wasn’t aware it was gone until I decided to add to it. Sooooo…. without further delay,

Top Ten Tricks of Scumbags Known as “Family Law Attorneys”

First, a disclaimer. I am not an attorney. I am not rich. I think screwing my fellow human beings for money is wrong. I actually care about decisions that tear apart families and traumatize children forever. For that reason, and because I am a decent human being, this list is not a substitute for “competent legal advice” {whatever the hell that is}. Use this to benefit yourself, your male children, your brothers and friends at your own risk. Most state family law statutes are very similar and these tricks are common in every jurisdiction. Give this to your attorney or use it Pro Se. This way when he goes golfing with the ex’s lawyer to discuss the case, they’ll talk about how it’s probably not best to screw with you. My apologies to the 1% of lawyers who are not lower than child molesters.


1. The bankruptcy trick.

Here is how it works……. In the property division portion of the trial, the “wife” and her life sucking leach will let you keep most of your stuff. You know, your classic cars and motorcycles, toys, property in your family for years, etc. {don’t worry, she’ll throw out all the smaller mementos of your life, in violation of the temporary order, to make the math easier} In exchange, you have to pay the princess a cash settlement based on splitting all the bills due minus the assets each person takes. Sounds fair, right? *** NO! What happens is that, shortly after the divorce, pumpkin declares bankruptcy. Now guess who is responsible for ALL the bills. Yes, you. The nice part is that if you declare bankruptcy to get rid of those marital bills, your ex sweetheart’s cash payout is not subject to the bankruptcy proceedings. Your credit is now fucked and you will have to pay her the cash the judge promised her. They will seize property (including bank accounts), garnish wages, etc. in order to help out the former Mrs. X.

Solution: What you need to do is make sure that you put on the record, say to the judge during the trial, “Your Honor, I stipulate to the property division as put forth by Ms. _______ ,and her counsel, with the following caveat: In the event that a party declares bankruptcy within ten years of the divorce, that party shall not be entitled to any cash settlement from the other and any payments made as part of a cash equalization payment shall be returned by order of the court.” Then smile and shut up. If they pull this on you, you need to have this on the record. The judge can agree with this or not, her attorney will flip out that you are on to this trick and certainly protest. Let him make an ass of himself or herself. When they finish, simply state that “to do otherwise is to open the door for a future civil case of unjust enrichment and I realize the court is busy and may not wish to reopen this matter, under relief from judgment statutes, at a later time.”

2. The “Magical Order” trick.

You’ll like this one. You go to court and get basically what you want, justice. Then a week or so later you get a copy of the proposed order. Well, holy ***, the order has things that were never discussed or ordered or has it just plain wrong. This is definitely NOT what the judge ordered. How did this mistake happen? It isn’t a mistake. The other attorney knows that these things are usually rubber stamped by a judge’s secretary and they aren’t going through the transcripts to see if the lawyer accurately wrote down what the judge ordered. The judge has lots of cases to handle. In most cases, he will not remember, and will take the “scumbag attorney” at his word.

Solution: A week before the hearing, or trial, submit a “request for audio recording” of the action. If it is denied, and it is a one party consent state, tape the thing yourself secretly. Once they know you are on to this trick, by your request for a recorded hearing, they will be more “careful” when they word the order. When you get the proposed order, review it immediately. You generally have five days to object before it is made final. If it is wrong, make sure you object. If your objections are overruled, let them know that “the audiotape I possess clearly shows the order is wrong.” Threaten to contact your States attorney ethics board if you are being ignored. Be nice at first. Never lose your temper.

3. The Disappearing mail trick.

You can trust the one who agreed to “better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health”, right. No. You can’t. You get something in the mail that says basically “hey, you failed to show up for _______ (mediation, court hearing, required appointment, etc.). Since you didn’t care enough to show, we bent you over the bench in effigy and ass raped you. Have a nice day and *** off.” You think “well, I never got a notice of that”. How could I get the ass rape letter and not the initial notice???? It just can’t be. Sure it can. Little miss innocent simply knew when the original notice was mailed and had someone (bad boy, player, thug) intercept your mail. What? That’s not fair. Doesn’t matter. What does matter is that she got a default judgment, or something else to her benefit, because you didn’t show. And now the judge thinks you don’t care. He will not likely believe someone tampered with your mail and you probably cannot prove it anyhow. And now he is pissed off at you.

Solution: Get a post office box. Send registered letters, return receipt requested, to the court, child support agency, ex’s attorney if she is represented (or her if she isn’t yet) and EVERYBODY ELSE INVOLVED that formally notifies them of this change. Do not say why as it makes you look like a whiner. Just do it. Do it as soon as the action is filed. Check this PO Box every day.

4. Keeping your Stuff.

After the divorce is filed, (OK, let’s be serious…after she files) you will be served with a temporary order that bars removing personal property, hiding assets, harassing the other party, etc. If she violates this order and cleans out the house, which her attorney will advise her to do, you will probably never get your stuff back. If you do this to her, after you get served with the order, you will possibly be in trouble if they can prove it. It sucks to lose all the stuff you paid for and spent years getting, especially if the wife never helped and bitched about you having all that stuff. Never mind the *** has four big boxes of new shoes in the garage that you paid for.

Solution: First, let me be clear, I do not advocate breaking the law. IF YOU ARE CAUGHT, you will get into more trouble (sometimes it’s worth it). However, it really sucks that life isn’t always fair. Sucks for you AND sucks for her. Also, bear in mind, if she can prove that an asset was there and now is gone, it can be included in the property settlement if it disappeared in the YEAR before the divorce. So…..Seriously guys….. Most of us knew, or should have known, the divorce was coming. If you are married, and clean out the house, BEFORE you get served, it’s yours. She will have to prove that you have all that “stuff”. Hard to value it for the property division if it isn’t there. Use a friend you can trust and get a storage shed in his name and store “YOUR” stuff there. Get one a few miles away from where you live. Secure your documents (birth certificate(s), vehicle titles, insurance documents, etc) in a fire proof safe at a safe location. Her attorney will tell her to steal, oops I mean “secure”, them before the divorce. Do not give them the chance. Keep your mouth shut about this. If you are married, and less than 100% happy, realize you are on a slippery slope. Put your documents in a safe place NOW. The time, money and stress these missing documents will cause is staggering. That’s why they take them. In court, the phrase “your honor, I do not have any of the items that they are referring to” will be your friend.

5. Property values for the division

What will happen is that her attorney will assist her in placing a value on all of the property that will be divided. You lucky dog! Just think how much time this will save you. NOT! What they will do is assign a value to your stuff that is far in excess of what it is worth. Her stuff will, of course, be used junk (with a value of next to nothing). That heirloom diamond ring from her grandma is now cubic zirconium. The gold jewelry just gold “plated”. She may take crap jewelry to an appraiser to show “proof” to the judge. She’s likely had all your stuff appraised already. The result is that she gets money from value that they “adjusted”.

Solution: Save thousands. Make detailed lists of everything you both own. Return the favor. Everything you have is worthless crap and all her stuff is “really, really nice”. Use Ebay auction wins (only when it’s incredibly low) to show value of your stuff. Anything over $50, print it off for proof. Value all her stuff using “new” values, low miles, added accessories, etc. What will happen…..99% of the time, the judge will simply pick a number halfway between yours and hers. After all, once he gets done screwing you, he has a golf game. Probably with her attorney.

6. Justice. Equality. Fairness.

Ha Ha. No. You won’t likely see any of this. This is a myth to get you to participate. You are a slave to the government. They aren’t on your side, but hers. They are also on the side of the attorneys. It’s all about the $$$$$. You get the justice you can afford. Judges do not have to follow the law. If they screw up, and they do often, you cannot sue them. The best you can do is appeal the decision. It’s expensive, time consuming and, if your case is found to be flawed on appeal,….. All they do is to send it back to the original biased, corrupt and incompetent judge that ruled on it in the beginning. It’s doubtful he has had a change of heart, suddenly “saw the light”, increased his intelligence or is thrilled that you got his “higher ups” to review him and find him wrong. He won’t be happy to see you again. Remember, every dollar they collect in child support from you, they get a dollar from the bankrupt federal government. This money goes into the “general fund”. This is the same fund that pays judges salaries. Conflict of Interest? Sure it is. Anything you can do about it. Maybe, but doubtful.

What do they call the guy who got the lowest passing score on the bar exam? Your honor. Honor my ass.

Solution: The best one. Do not get married. Do not have kids. Ok. You really screwed up and got married or had kids. Now what? Relax. You are screwed, but getting an ulcer or heart attack only helps her. Keep your cool. The following is a way to minimize the damage. Whatever you do, unless you know the judge personally AND HE LIKES YOU, file a substitution of judge motion. Her attorney picked the one that he thinks will get his client the best deal. You have the right to one judge substitution for any reason. Any judge, other than their hand picked one, will be better, or maybe less worse. After money, the biggest factor in play is getting the judge to like you. Don’t try to kiss his ass. He will not be fooled and your *** aren’t big enough to interest him. Get a scumbag, er I mean lawyer, but explain to them what you expect. Explain to them that, if they plain suck, you will fire them. Can’t afford an attorney? That’s part of their plan. Now you have to do it Pro Se. This is called “screwing yourself”, but may be all you have. I fired my attorney and did better than he did by far. No alimony, no child support (now), joint custody (50/50 placement) and I owe ten grand in the property settlement. It took years and cost her parents thousands. I was Pro Se well over 90% and that cost me lots of time and less than $100. Get good info from your state statutes. Write down your argument in legal briefs. Have this filed with the court and submit everything to the Judge, her attorney and all other parties in advance. Do your homework. Never lose your cool in court. Stand up for yourself. Do not allow yourself to be bullied or intimidated. That overpaid buffoon in the batman costume is a man just like you. Always answer the judge directly in short {well thought out}, precise, one sentence answers. Hold up your hand, not over your head (this isn’t kindergarten) and wait for the judge to let you speak. Avoid slang terminology. Do not read the judge the law when he is wrong. Instead refer him to the law on page ___ of your brief. Sit in on a bunch (as many as you can) of divorce cases in your county, preferably not with this judge, and see how things work. If the judge ignores the law, he loses jurisdiction, and his order is void. If he does this, point it out POLITELY. You will need to appeal. Do the best you can. Smile. It will make the judge wonder what you are up to.

One important tip if you have to go on your own. Dress nicely and shave. Fill the courtroom with “your” people. Friends, relatives, homeless guys at $5 per head or whatever are great, but admonish them to say nothing. Judges hate to screw people in public. It gives them a bad image. Give some of these people writing materials and have them take notes. It may give the judge the impression that the press or other dignitaries are there. There are books on divorce for men. Get to the library and read them. Practice speaking in public.

7. The “Temporary Orders” Trick

What happens is that “cupcake” and her lawyer try and convince you to take less than you should in one of the hearings for a temporary order. The problem is there really is no temporary order. Most temporary orders are extended and amount to the final order. Sometimes they will attempt to convince you that this will be in the best interests of the kid(s) or that, by “playing nice”, it will look better for you at the next hearing.

Solution: Do not fall for this Trojan Horse. You need to be fully aware of what will happen. This is the time that “mom” and her friends and relatives will use to brainwash and alienate the children. Her parents will lavish them with gifts and help them remember every “incident” of abuse, stress, fights, etc. that probably never happened. Best advice….. never budge an inch when it comes to your children and your own best interests. It will make you look weak. Sharks can smell blood very well.

8. The lie of Imputed Income

Imputed income is a legal term for “*** you, we guessed”. What happens is that, in order to help spread your wealth to the ex, the court and her attorney will evaluate how much you make from tax documents and other sources. There are certain formulas the court “must use” in determining child support and alimony in each state. Legally, they must use these formulas. Realistically, they do whatever they want. One easy way to get around these formulas is to “impute” income to you. This means they give the judge a number and tell him this is how much you “could” or “should” make given your job, work history, location, experience, etc. Now, instead of paying 25% of $50,000 for support, you pay 25% of $100,000. In this example, this nets her an extra $12,500 each year. On the bright side{sarcasm}, you still get to pay taxes on this money you never made. If you do get an extra job to increase your earnings, you will likely get called back to court so that the initial scam can be increased. Refuse to pay? It’s called contempt of court. No due process rights and no sympathy. There is a federal law that, even if there is a mistake, they cannot go back to correct the amount of arrears. They will put you in jail. While you are there, you will be charged the regular amount of support due at 1 ½ % interest per month. They will suspend your driver’s license, any professional licenses and report this to all the credit agencies.

Solution: You really need to be ready for this one. Expect it. Come prepared for court with all your tax documents as far back as you can. It is very helpful if these are joint returns that she has signed. If they try to claim you are hiding income, explain that she has signed these returns, under penalty of perjury, and this IS how much you make and have made. They will likely mention an “innocent spouse exception” for the IRS and say she knew you made more than what you both said, but went along out of fear. Smile and laugh quietly. The IRS is worse than the court and will want a pound of flesh from her, too. Her attorney is aware of this and will then try a different tact.

Research case law in your state and supreme court decisions in this matter. It is improper for the court to impute income unless you shirk your parental responsibilities by hiding income or working less to avoid support. Put this case law in your legal brief. Make sure you are working at least a minimum wage job at 35 hours per week. If you do that, they cannot legally impute income to you. Make sure you say “I fully intend to follow the order of the court in regards to support, but can only pay what does not put me under the poverty level and what is consistent with the standard guidelines”. The only way to get this changed is with an expensive appeal, so remember to halt it in its tracks. This is generally done to self employed men. If you are self employed, take some time and get a regular job that pays the same for a while if you can. Sometimes another self employed guy who has been in the same boat can do this for you until you get the final order.

9. False “abuse” Allegations

You can count on seeing this bullshit if you are a man. You were mean to her, you were mean to the kid(s), you kicked the dog and choked her cat. Expect this. These outright fabrications will no doubt be written in some journal or diary, probably years worth written with the same color ink. What a crock of ***. The times will be noted like this….. Tuesday, May 5th, 2008 at 4:07PM (it was cloudy and warm)…… Seriously. They will be so well documented because they are made up long after the actual NON INCIDENT. They are fake. Fabrication, unsubstantiated allegations, outright lies, invention and conjecture. Because it is more believable, allegations of sexual abuse will more likely be made if you were dumb enough to marry a single mother. Those are her kids and guess who they will side with in all of this? Don’t be surprised if the teen step-daughter you helped at every turn now says you spied on her in the shower. How will you prove you didn’t? Simple, you cannot. Any questions about who the judge will believe? Oh, they have some DNA that matches you that was found in her underwear. Impossible? No, too fucking easy. All she has to do is snag a pair of mom’s dirty underwear, put them on, and go down for the rape exam. You yelled, slammed doors and she had to get a restraining order because she feared for her kids and their safety. Even if these are your biological children, this will be used against you.

Solution: First, no matter what, never meet the ex to “talk” unless it is in front of a judge or mediator. DO NOT FUCKING DO IT!!! Never be alone with her kids especially if they are female teens. She says she signed off on the restraining order….. Really? If she did, the cops and court will notify you of that. Do not believe a word she says. Her attorney is even less credible than she is. Next, keep your own journal of EVERYTHING that happens. Never use threatening language or show anger. Be factual and accurate. Include the names of witnesses. If you can record her without her knowing, and this is legal where you reside, do it. Make sure you push her buttons, just like she will do to you, before you start recording.

As soon as you know what is going on….. go see a counselor about your fears regarding this vindictive woman who has threatened to do these things to you. Fill the counselor in on how she has threatened you and how you fear it will affect you and your children. Bring your journal where you have noted the details of these threats to “screw” you. If you have kids, bring them on the second appointment. Let the kids talk to her (or him) alone, right away, only if you know they can communicate without just repeating what their mom coached them on. This is a gamble because she was likely planning all this before you had any idea. Know the names of your child’s teachers. Talk to them at school conferences. Know the name of the primary care doctor your children see. You will be asked these things to determine how involved you are in your children’s lives. Know their favorite color and who their best friends are. Volunteer at every turn to work with kids in a safe setting (Boy’s and Girl’s Club, Cub Scouts, Youth Sports, etc.) It is even better if your kids are involved with these activities and impartial witnesses can see you interacting with them. Always note any and all activities you and the kids do. Most important, this is not the kid’s fault. You fucked up and married. Women use the kids as weapons enough on their own. If her attorney hand picks a guardian ad litem, get a different one (preferably from out of town). If there are police reports, get copies of them. Better for you if they detail her “crazy” behavior and not yours. Never lose your cool with her or the kids no matter how much she deserves it.

10. You Cannot Win

Your ex and her attorney will try to drill this into your head at every turn. They are against you. They will lie. The corrupt judge will ignore you and the law. The police do not care and are just an extension of the court. This is all in attempt to get you to give up.

Solution: Don’t get married and do not have kids. You cannot win, but you can minimize the damage. You can make them spend a lot more money than you do. If you lie down and give up, it just makes it that much easier to screw the next guy. Just remember, whatever it takes to be rid of the treacherous leach, it is worth it. A lot of men lose everything in a divorce. Let’s turn that around. No one can take your dignity, self respect and honor unless you give it to them.

Divorce Self-Defense 101

This is a really good article on divorce tactics and knowledge.

Original Post:

By Dave Jensen

I am your instructor, Mr. Jensen. I am not a lawyer, consult one. Anything I say here may have its mileage vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction. My qualifications are two divorces, one in which I did everything wrong and got reemed, and one in which I did everything right and came out with my skin relatively intact.
Let’s start with the fundamentals. First. Decide right now if you want to be a winner or a loser. You are about to enter the Lion Pit. Get used to it, grow up and accept it. Any misconceptions you had about morality, right and wrong, and justice in the Justice System are bunk. All such things are absolutely irrelevant. Your sole concern is legal, and illegal. If it goes to a judge, you are not facing Solomon who will try to establish something fair. That is the job of a mediator. The judge will decide who is the winner, and who is the loser. If you don’t want to be a winner, take their offer right now, and get out of my class. I guarantee it will be far more generous that what the judge decides. The court is NOT your friend.
Number two. I want you to say something right now: “She will never do that to me, she would never be like that.” If you wish to paraphrase, be my guest. I’ll wait.
Good. Now, let that be the last time you ever say that. This is not the nice, sweet girl you married. This is the b*tch that is divorcing you. Grow up. Accept it. Right now she is plotting how to get you. And probably has been. Either be prepared to treat her as your mortal enemy, or confess that you really didn’t want to be a winner after all. She will treat you as such, I guarantee you. Don’t let anyone shame you with words like “Not sinking to her level.” While you should avoid illegal and unethical behavior which will be punished or looked on with a jaundiced eye, I grant, you should absolutely sink to her level otherwise. There is no such thing as a moral victory here. Any people who say this to you want to see you put your club down so they can see her clobber you with hers. These people are NOT your friends.
With me so far? Number three. You cannot stop this divorce. You can only delay it, at best, and you will be punished for doing so. The judge and the court doesn’t want to see you any more then necessary. Why? Yes, you in the back –uh huh – that’s right! Because they are NOT your friend! No fault divorce is the law in every state of the Union, and every province in Canada. And she decided she wanted out long ago. If she wanted to work it out, she would have suggested counseling. Your marriage is over, and all the king’s horses and all the king’s men, as the saying goes. Grow up. Accept it. She does NOT want to be your friend anymore.
All righty, those are the ground rules. Questions? No? Part two then.
Some things you should have. First, despite what you may have heard about “Planning for divorce only assures divorce” I am here to tell you that it is unvarnished c**p. You should have incriminating papers, financial records, valuable identification, and a certain amount of cash secured somewhere. This location should be a place you know, and have ready access to. Duplicate keys for many things should be there as well. If you keep such things in your home, you are an idiot.
If you have a lick of sense, you will have copies of canceled checks, money orders, and such with your signature to show you are paying the bills. I don’t care if it is coming out of a joint account, if you sign it, you pay it. If she signs it, she pays it. It’s that simple, and it’s amazing how many men get nailed by this piece of chicanery.
Next, have the name of a good, man friendly attorney. You can find these out by listening to men who have gotten a reasonable deal in a divorce, or by listening to women who have lost in a case. While rare, these people exist. Make sure they still practice. You need to call them, right now, and make an appointment. Again, I will wait.
At the risk of indulging in 20/20 hindsight, you should have seen the signs. She has stopped having nookie with you, she is not talking to you, she won’t tell you what is wrong, and if she does speak to you it is a litany of grievances and past offenses, whether real or imagined. Your job is not to argue here. You will not convince her. No matter what you do, you can do no right. She has already steeled herself to dispose of you, and is working up a good mad so she can treat you like her mortal enemy, and not feel guilty. She is erasing every good memory of you from her head.
Her habits have changed. Women are creatures who love habit, routine, and the familiar. Is she showing a persistent interest in finances? Does she hang up the phone quickly? Does she disappear for hours on end? Does she have mysterious appointments? Chances are she is consulting an attorney, and quite likely having an affair. This doesn’t matter if she is, but it is a hint and a half for you.
There is no sense in getting angry or confronting her, such will only give her the excuse she is looking for. If you are in this state, rejoice. You have hope to get out with your skin intact.
Forewarned is forearmed, and if at all possible (And legal) you should put a tap on the phone and record calls. This is NOT for evidence. This is to give you a heads up, and let you know what she is planning. It will not be admitted in any evidence, and you should make this tap removable and secure the tapes elsewhere. In any event, be your own detective. In addition, if you have a firearm, your bong from High school, or any recreational pharmaceuticals at all, get rid of them from your residence. Cupcake will, I promise, point out that you have an old roach clip hanging from your rear view mirror, and have you busted for residue from 1986.
Now here is where most men self destruct. Do not confront her. Do not beg, plead, argue, or cry to her. Pretend that everything is fine. Pretend you are the ignorant sucker she is counting on you to be. What you do is this – armed with the knowledge of her plans, preempt them. If she talks about getting the restraining order next Monday, you do so on Friday. If she talks about moving, stay home that day. Do not allow her to put her plan into action first. She is counting on the element of surprise, and if you remove that, all will fall apart on her. On that day will be the confrontation, and it is certain, if you have played your cards correctly, she will flip her lid. This is what you want.
One thing you need to remember is to stay absolutely, one-hundred percent calm at all times. The police are NOT your friends, and have been trained to look for any excuse to jail you. It doesn’t matter if you are a 140 pound accountant, and she is an Olympic weightlifter with four black belts. You are the male. You are the batterer, or the potential one. She is the poor dear who must be protected. No matter how it flies in the face of reason, all she has to do is claim being “afraid” and you are sunk. Utterly doomed. In addition, if you are calm, she will more than likely go from flipping out to absolutely berserk. This is NOT how it was supposed to be!
If the police must be called, you call them. Do not meet them outside. If you are outside, it is easier to make you be the one to leave. Do not cower inside. If they have to coax you out, you will p**s them off. Be in the doorway, with your hands visible. Ask them in, and ask them to remove her, and if at all possible, have your attorney there or on the way. Cops will not screw with attorneys or step one inch out of line while they are present. The only thing a cop fears or respects is an attorney, acting in their official capacity.
Under no circumstances do you ever admit to yelling, threatening, raising your voice, raising your hand, or hitting her – and here, I don’t care if you lie. Admit nothing, find a simple story, and stick to it. Under no circumstances do you agree to leave. Don’t fight if they remove you – BUT DO NOT – I repeat – *DO* *NOT* leave. Do not surrender the house or your children If you leave, you have abandoned the home. The court will view this as black and white, anything else as an excuse, and you will never, ever get them back.
Do not let her take the kids. Do not let her take jewelry or papers. Do agree to allow her to take clothes, and only clothes, under, in order of preference, 1) You will get them for her, 2) Your attorney can supervise, 3) The officer can supervise. This will make you look good and reasonable. Let her take toiletries. Let her take nothing else. If you have more than one car, give up the one you do not want to see again. Do not let her take credit or bank cards. Make sure she has enough money for a hotel room for two nights, and about $50 for food if she has money, or write her a check for it. This will make you seem like a generous prince. Do not, however, at this point be alone with her. Have a cop with you at all times.
Upon her leaving, change the locks and notify your attorney that you want a restraining order. At this point, I want you to understand one thing, and one thing only, if you realize nothing else at all: You are paying that attorney for their expertise. If they suggest a course of action, especially if they have a proven track record of success, do what they say. This is why you are paying them. Let them have the wheel, and you be the passenger.
Do not talk to you wife after that except as directed by your attorney.
Do not call her, or try to contact her. You have no idea how swiftly this can be twisted into stalking and harassment.
Do not let her take the kids until you have a solid parenting agreement that has the court’s blessing. Courts get real pissed off when they are disobeyed. If they haven’t ruled, they can’t be disobeyed now, can they? Congratulations sucker. You just surrendered your kids to her custody. Look them real hard in the face and hug them tight. You might not see them for a spell.
If she asks for anything, your answer should be – yes, you in the hat? No! Nimrod! Give her nothing because she asks! Yes, you in St. Louis – correct! “I’ll run that by my attorney” is the correct answer. Follow your attorney’s advice. If he says, “Screw her!” then don’t be moved by tears or begging. If he says, “Go ahead, that’ll make you look good” do it with a smile. Your attorney, and your attorney alone is your friend, because you have PAID for that friendship.
Do not sleep with her. This is begging for a r*pe charge. What is fundamental number two? Yes, she will do it.
Do not bring “loose women” home. Swear off drinking, your Friday night p***r parties, the dope, and any vice which might be brought up against you. While it is irrelevant for you to bring it up, she will be heard. Give her no excuse that you aren’t feeding the kids right, that you are letting them stay up, that you are leaving them alone. Don’t even smoke in your house. Keep it clean, even if you have to hire a service. If DCFS shows up, you want to be Little Sammy Homemaker.
Above all, do not tip your hand. Do not show your cards to her mother, her brother, her best friend, to the girl you are banging. Two people can keep a secret, but only if one is dead. It will get back to her, and you will regret it. Yes, her Best Friend thinks she always treated you so bad, and does this feel good, and how are you going to get her, here let me undo that, and I’ll never tell a soul – yeah, right. And how many times have we heard a woman tell us a secret she promised never to tell? Especially when she has probably been sent on a dirt-collecting mission to begin with. Stay alert, and trust no friend except the ones bought and paid for.
Now, in closing, as I said, I am no attorney, and the mileage on this may vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction. You will still be playing on her turf, and with people disposed to favor her, if not outright biased against you. But you use this as a guideline, after running it by your attorney, and you will stand one heck of a lot better chance than the last poor slob. How do I know this? I lifted a lot of the ideas from a the postings of feminist attornies on “woMYn’s” sites while I was trolling as a woman. It pays to know your enemies.
Okay. Class dismissed. I’ll pray there won’t be a test for you.
Source: Divorce Self Defense 101 by Pete Jensen. Pete Jensen is a Computer Engineer and Curmudgeon who lives in the wilds of Southern Indiana. He enjoys satirizing political correctness, and mocking its advocates. If you’d care to write him and talk reasonably he welcomes it. If you’d care to write him and froth at the mouth ideologically, he welcomes that too. You’ll be grist for the mill, and know in advance he doesn’t regard any such diatribes as privileged communication. That’s right, you too can wind up lampooned by his searing wit and insightful barbs in front of millions on the internet.